February 28, 2008

this is a jacket i turned into a dress by not wearing pants

If you've never seen the magical 1980s Brenda Dickson video where the soap opera star guides you through her home -- please, stop being a jerk and watch it.

And now, enjoy the parody videos. They're awesome, right down to the scratchy, VHS-quality recording and pitchy synthesizers.





December 16, 2007

November 21, 2007

dad, should I poke rod with a sharp thing like the mouse did?

Please find a seat. Maybe get yourself some smelling salts, too.

This article explains how the old-time Sesame Street (primarily the ones from the 1970s) are being re-released onto DVD (yay!), but with a warning label. That's right. Apparently the old Sesame Streets are dangerous for new millenium children. The warning: "These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child."

WHAT.

The producers of Sesame Street cite this example:

"Alistair Cookie and the parody 'Monsterpiece Theater.' [I totally remember this!] Alistair Cookie, played by Cookie Monster, used to appear with a pipe, which he later gobbled. According to [the producer], 'That modeled the wrong behavior' — smoking, eating pipes — 'so we reshot those scenes without the pipe, and then we dropped the parody altogether.'”

Jerks!

Sesame Street was gritty, unsanitized, took place in an inner-city neighborhood, and showcased diversity. I absolutely loved it. It never traumatized me or otherwise incited seizures, like so many cartoons that followed it. If it can be faulted for anything, it should be in its glowing, hippie-like hopefulness. But not even then -- because what else should we teach our children but to have hope?

If this is wrong:



Then I don't want it to be right.

By the way, after many, many years, I finally found my favorite Sesame Street clip on YouTube. Rejoice!

October 29, 2007

awesome



One of these years, I'm going as Malificent.

Happy Halloween!

September 19, 2007

August 22, 2007

June 24, 2007

don't panic

Me: You need to get a job, Prairie Dog.

Prairie Dog's response: (click on picture below)

May 04, 2007

happy cuatro de mayo

There is nothing creepier than mashing the beloved Muppets with Quentin Tarantino. Which is why I'm compelled to show this to you. What kind of job would I be doing if I didn't? If you answered: "Not a very good one!", you're correct.



Also, I present to you, James Earl Jones, as played by the young thespian, Darth Vader. This seemed really funny last night, but I haven't re-watched it in the light of day, with all my faculties intact. There is some offensive language.

April 11, 2007

why was i not informed of this before?

Cuteness Overload.

Because even sarcastic people need a dose of sweet, genuine goodness sometimes.

No, that's not true. I'm being sarcasmic. To tone down the feel-good squishiness of this post, I made sure that the title of this post ended in a preposition. Like nails on a chalkboard! You're welcome.

March 20, 2007

yep, here's your problem. someone set this thing to 'evil'

I've been knitting now for about two years. I have not really gotten better during this time - I still make mistakes. I still get frustrated. I still create hideous projects that can only be described as yarn frankensteins or WTF projects.

Meet Elsa the Elephant:



Elsa is the first project in which the pains of my labor have produced an actual monster. You think I'm kidding. This little elephant has a mind of her own. To wit:




As soon as her legs were sewn on, Elsa went straight for the liquor cabinet. Don't let the smile fool you - she was an angry drunk.



Elsa soon went all "Hollywood" and started hanging out with the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. A lot of coke went up that trunk.



As fast as you could say, "no panties," and "go bald," Elsa came dangerously close to hitting rock bottom. So, off to rehab she went.



Because Elsa is of an obsessive-compulsive nature, she simply replaced drugs with the occult. She liked to think of it as "exploring her options," but we were scared for our lives. Thank god she knew nothing about Scientology. Xenu help us all.




When religion didn't help, Elsa, feeling an emptiness deep inside, decided to get rid of her loneliness by making friends.



This resulted in a sexual harassment lawsuit.



Elsa now spends her time researching others of her kind on the internet. She thinks this is charitable; we call this "porn."

Elsa is about to be shipped off to a boot camp run by a two-year-old. There she will be thrown, prodded, dressed in pink dresses, forced to kiss Barbies, dipped in dirt and then in water, and then subsequently dirt again, and hugged and loved every day. Wish her luck.

February 14, 2007

so what should i put on my bagel today?

Where have I been? Never you mind, you nosy person. I've been busy with perfectly legitimate to-dos.

Speaking of legitimate, what if I told you that there exists a 1985 version of Alice in Wonderland, starring all sorts of big-name stars? Such as John Stamos? And Red Buttons? No, really! And Ringo Starr as the Mock Turtle, Carol Channing as the White-Queen-cum-sheep, and Sammy Davis, Jr. as the doobie-luvin' Caterpillar.

I bet you'd say I had had an hallucination. One you wished you had had yourself, no doubt. Or that I was mad, taking 'shrooms and falling down rabbit holes like ol' Alice herself. And, for a while, I thought I had indeed dreamed it -- something made-up from the annals of childhood when we are all so imaginative and misled.

But I've found evidence.



I think this is pretty much how Lewis Carroll intended it. Apparently this is now on DVD. Apparently I have already been to Amazon to order it. Apparently it will arrive in 7-14 business days.

In other news, anyone signing up for Scriptapalooza this year? I'm debating.

December 14, 2006

i used to be with 'it,' but then they changed what 'it' was. now what I'm with isn't 'it,' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me

Now that I'm approaching my 30s (shhh!), I've noticed how pop culture has started to recycle itself. I suppose this happens to every generation once they come of age and have some money. Advertisers play to our nostalgia.

Which is fine with me. Because this is the only chance I'm going to get to relish in mid-1980s pop culture again without ridicule. I'm sure that the day of scorn is coming soon. But until then... look! Transformers! The movie!

I watched The Transformers. They were not my favorite, but we were on good terms. GI Joe was one of my favorite cartoons (yes, I'm a girl). I watched it every day after school. I watched it mostly because of this cool drink of water:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Meet Flint. He was one of the soldiers in GI Joe. Look at that jaw line! He had a thing for Lady J, another soldier. I sometimes hated her, but I was nine years old. Duke was the leader of the Joes:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

He was kinda douche-y, so I ignored him when he came on screen. The villains on GI Joe all had foreign accents and were foiled easily. The '80s were not subtle, or even very smart. Perfect for kids! Here are the villains (the Baroness, Cobra Commander, and Destro):

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Why are all the women in these cartoons so stacked? Man.

Another favorite after-school show was Thundercats. Man! Just look at their symbol:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

You know you're in for something good when you see a thing of beauty like that! Lion-O was the main Thundercat, and he would always scream out "Ho!" before action. So appropriate.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

He was OK, I guess. Nice hair. I wanted to be Cheetara.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

She was pretty smokin'. She's not even wearing pants! Here's the whole gang (Lion-O, Cheetara, Jaga, and Panthro):

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

It's amazing - I don't remember plot lines from any of these cartoons. Just imagery and feeling. I also don't remember algebra anymore, so.

Gummi Bears on the Disney Channel was another show I watched, but no one I know seems to remember it. I can even recite the theme song word-for-word. Here's what they looked like:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Bouncy, huh? These were not bears you ate. Not because they weren't made of sugar and water and gelatin and preservatives, but because you cared about them.

Does anyone remember Bell and Sebastian? Not the band, you hipsters. This was a cartoon on Nickelodeon about a boy travelling across Spain (with his dog) to find his mother. It was a touching, beautiful cartoon. Why did the mother leave her son? I don't know - maybe he deserved it. You know how much children can suck sometimes. Here's the little weasel, posing:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Today's Special on Nickelodeon was another favorite of mine. This was the cast:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

That guy - there on the right? He was a mannequin come to life. Again, it was the '80s, and people's expectations were low.

And, finally, to my point. No, there's no point. To the end of my rambling. He-Man. Remember him? Glistening muscles, pageboy haircut, lived with a tiger? He has been reborn in the following video - reborn in the only way he can be for today's savvy consumer: queer and FABULOUS.

Enjoy.

November 28, 2006

UNICORNS

My favorite Daily Show segment. Come back, Corddry! Please?

November 21, 2006

i don't know why i did it, i don't know why i enjoyed it, and i don't know why i'll do it again!

This is the stuff of which life is made. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!